


Michael in the Bathroom

by TheDeadGirlRisen



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Gen, Jeremy Heere (Mentioned) - Freeform, Song: Michael in the Bathroom (Be More Chill), Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29731890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeadGirlRisen/pseuds/TheDeadGirlRisen
Summary: Michael's thoughts and actions after Jeremy left him alone in the bathroom, after being called a loser by his 'best friend' of twelve years."Or wish I offed myself instead, Wish I was never born."
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Michael in the Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: Ambiguous ending.  
> Discord: https://discord.gg/tZPmVTG  
> Warning: Sucide attempt.  
> Word Count: 1451  
> Date Written: 2/27/21  
> Date Posted: 2/27/21

_ Bang. _

Michael stared at where the bathroom door closed. His friend abandoned him; he was abandoned at some party he wasn’t even invited to.

He was at the biggest party of the fall, and he was hanging in the bathroom.

He could continue hiding in the bathroom, or leave, disappear, and nobody would even notice at all.

He was a ‘creeper’ in a bathroom because  _ Jeremy _ left him alone.

Jeremy had promised to not leave him. That they would still be friends. Here he stood alone in the bathroom, but it was better to be in here fake peeing, than out there just standing awkwardly, or pretending he had a text on his phone.

‘ _ You know that you are my favorite person,’  _ Jeremy had said before they went to that stupid payless store. And he got that stupid squip.  _ ‘Were never not gonna be a team,’  _ Another thing Jeremy had said that was a lie.

Everything felt fine when he was one half of a pair. They made High School into a two player game. And now, here he was alone in the bathroom as the second player left the game. It was no fault of his, that there was no other half, right?

Now he was just… Michael in the bathroom.

At a party.

A party he never even wanted to come to in the first place, but he had to warn Jeremy. Tried to reach out to his friend.

Supposed friend.

A faint knock at the door, “No, you can’t come in!” he called out, voice cracking.

He would wait it out ‘till it was time to leave.

Before he even realized he was on the floor, picking at the grout. He was just ‘Michael who you don’t know.’ Jeremy acted for weeks as if he didn’t exist. Broke his promise. 

Now he was flying solo.

In a bathroom by himself.

How pathetic was he? 

All by himself, hiding.

All because of the knowledge that Jeremy was out there, having fun. Ignoring all their history. Soon Jeremy’s memories of him would be erased, and Michael would be replaced. With some newer  _ cooler _ version of himself.

A girl's voice drifted through the door, “I wanna dance with somebody!” He heard laughter and a soft thud. Presumably the drunk girl had fallen down. He wanted to find Jeremy and talk about what just happened, laugh at the shenanigans of the drunk people.

But then his stomach sank to the bottom, because Jeremy was gone now it was just… him… alone in the bathroom.

He could almost hear voices taunting him, ‘Did you hear, Michael was in the bathroom by himself at the party last night.’

‘What a loser’

‘Even the stoners only friend ditched him’

He half regretted the bears now as he choked, trying to fight the tears. Trying to stop his thoughts from spiraling any worse. Another half choked back sob escaped from him. He would wait here as long as he needed to, until his face was dry.

But what if he had to leave?

What if people asked why his eyes were so red?

He could blame it on weed; he could say something was in his eye. He whimpered a bit. ‘I’m just Michael… who you don’t know.’ 

No one really knew who he was. No one except-

Michael stopped his train of thought. He was flyin’ solo now.

Michael in the bathroom by himself.

_ Knock, knock, knock, knock. _

They're gonna start to shout soon

_ Knock, knock, knock, knock. _

_ “ _ Ah hell yeah I'll be out soon!” he called out, hoping his voice sounded more normal than what he thought.

The knocking persisted.

_ Knock, knock, knock, knock. _

Right. It sucked that Jeremy left him alone.  _ Knock, knock, knock, knock.  _ In this teenage battlezone.

The knocking got worse. Turning into a harsher sound.

_ Clang, clang, clang, clang. _

Michael could feel the pressure building up, both with the insistent knocking, and his own feelings he was trying  _ desperately _ to ignore. He swayed as he scrambled to his feet, going to the sing.

_ Bang, bang, bang, bang. _

His biggest mistake was showing up here. He turned the faucet on.

_ Splash, splash, splash, splash. _

The water splashed in his face, and he let it wash away his tears. Smiling at himself in the mirror, he could pretend, just for a minute, that he was in a better place. Michael moved over, going to open the door.

But there was no more knocking.

And he collapsed, relief flooding him, but then it was gone. He was left with a deep yearning. He wished for a different time, when he 

_ Wasn’t _

_ So _

_ Alone. _

His gaze locked onto himself in the mirror, and his present was clear. There was no denying. He was at a party. Alone. Is there a sadder sight?

Michael in the bathroom at a party. Alone. What a heinous night. 

_ ‘Get out of my way.  _ **_Loser._ ** ’

And that stung. He had been called a loser by so many of his peers. But not by Jeremy. Not ever. It was with those words, that he realized Jeremy was truly choosing popularity before him. Choosing Christine before him.

What happened to bros before hoes?

He wished he had stayed at home instead. He could have been watching cable porn.  _ Or maybe he should have offed himself. Should have never been born _ .

He was just plain ol’ Michael. Who’s a loner, so he must be a stoner.

Ok yes, he did do a bit of weed, but really only to celebrate something. Or take the edge off.

He heard the whispers, ‘Look at him, he rides a PT cruiser.’

‘God, he’s such a loser.’

He heard those whispers, and he tried not to agree with them. He had Jeremy after all, so he wasn’t such a loser that he didn’t even have friends.

But that wasn’t true anymore.

Now he was flyin’ solo.

People thought they knew him, but they didn’t.

Michael was in a bathroom by himself.

All by himself.

_ All _

_ By _

_ Himself. _

Everyone at school thought they knew him, just because of how he looked. But all they really knew about him was his name.

Awesome party. He was  _ so _ glad he came.

He could hear the party dying down, so taking the opportunity he left the bathroom, making his way out.

Getting home was a blur.

All he could remember was his thoughts, of how alone he was. How he didn’t have any friends anymore. Twelve years of amazing friendship. Gone. Apparently they weren’t as good friends as he thought.

He thought they would be friends forever.

But that was stupid, wasn’t it.

Why would Jeremy want to be friends with the school’s  _ loser? _

He got home, and went to his room. Only to flinch back.

His room was filled with memories, every item was something he and Jeremy had done together, proof of their history.

He sunk down to the floor, loud sobs breaking out finally.

Twelve years of amazing friendship.

Gone.

History.

Michael wished his moms were home.

He needed them, needed someone to help him

But he had no one.

_ No one wanted him _ .

Distantly he was aware this was a lie, that his mom’s loved him. But right now, he had enough alcohol in his system that he could be considered drunk. And his best friend, his ‘ _ Favowite person’ _ was gone. Abandoning him for his new found popularity.

Micheal blinked, swaying and he wondered how he had gotten on the roof. His thoughts were sort of fuzzy and he didn’t feel all there. Looking down at his hand he saw he was holding a joint.

Oh, that was right. He had gone to the basement and decided to get high to try and forget tonight.

Really to forget the last month or two.

Or maybe he should be aiming bigger, forgetting the entire past twelve years.

His head was pounding, his nose was running, and his eyes hurt.

Why couldn’t he just stop crying?

Perhaps getting stoned had been a bad idea.

No. Wait. It was still a good idea.

At least like this his emotions felt kinda distant, even if he was still aware of them.

Micheal looked over the roof's edge, swaying a bit.

Would falling from this height be enough to kill him?

_ Only one way to find out _ .

Micheal stared up at the night sky. The stars looked really pretty.

The answer so far was no, but the jury was still out.

Getting high had been a good idea, he wasn’t even really feeling the pain. Maybe a distant throb, well except his head.

He felt his eyes slip close.

He could feel himself slowly falling away.

He didn’t fight.

_ He  _

_ Let  _

_ Go. _


End file.
